This morning we look at our writing and fix it to make it better.
In the holidays my family and I went down to Napier, to see my brother. As we were going on our trip we went on a road called Dead Man's Elbow. It was a very big hill, with a big drop at the end. Finally we got to Napier I was so happy to see my brother. One of my favourite things to do while we were in Napier was to go and see a great leader named Tepania. She is a statue that sits on top of one of Napier fountain.
Our other favourite things to do was go swimming at the pools. I dived in the pool like a seagull gliding over the water and landed like a dolphin it was so awesome. My brother and I played lots of games like ball tigge, tag, racing and much more. After playing in the water we went back to our nan’s and sat in the sun to dry off, before we went inside.
After staying a week in Napier it was time to go home. I said my byes to my family and we were off. It was going to be another long day getting home. It was awesome at Napier can’t wait to come back.
Hey Carlos,
ReplyDeleteDead Man's Elbow sounds like an interesting road to drive along, Is that the real name?
What do you think you could change in your writing to make it better? I love the way you compared yourself to a seagull and dolphin, Maybe you could focus on showing when someone owns something or when they own more than one of those. (Napiers fountains)
Keep it up :) enjoy the term.
Mr. Hutchings.